I feel like you decided


I feel like you decided
you didn’t want this.  You jumped ship.
You’re in your lifeboat,
it’s dead dark, only silverfish
light the sky.  You’re watching
my face fade
into a speck on a deck.
You get up, jiggle your feet
on the floor of your rowboat.
Sir, everyone is screaming,
sit down.  You’re risking everything.
But you won’t stop looking
even if I’m an amoeba
on a toy ship.  Maybe it’s frigid
air that has your tears falling.
But I swear, I know: you want
to jump, you want to swim.
You fucked up.  If you try
to come back now, ice water
will paralyze you. And so what
do we do? Remember? When I’m with you
I feel alive?  Remember
how we laughed at the absurdity?
When Im with you
my heart beats.  Now
you’re in a boat,
water below zero.   It’ll stop
that beat.  Are you are torn?
Because there’s part of you
here on ship.  There’s no doubt,
my eyes are crying.
There’ll be a strong cocktail
tonight.  There’ll be five.
I’ll lay down in my cabin,
I’ll stammer: God, thank you
for showing me
what it means to love. Amen. 

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