I Could See Peace Instead of This

PeaceI have an affirmation on my wall that says, “I choose peace.” When anything happens in my day-to-day life that makes my chest tense up and my heart rate rise, my mind thinks about peace. I finally know I can have it. I finally understand that peace is mine for the taking, that the Universe is standing in front of me holding a silver platter with the fancy lid lifted off just WAITING for me to accept the gift of peace in my life.

And yet, the damn drama sneaks in.

It’s almost as if there’s comfort in drama, as if in all that turmoil something is actually happening, that life’s moments aren’t going to waste. But this is nonsense. Drama is what eats up life’s moments, the moments that are given to us to live inside and revel in and feel and experience.

Have you had that moment when everything was right with the world? Maybe you were sitting outside in your yard, maybe you were next to someone you love, maybe you were beside a body of water, or on top a mountain looking out. . . and time stood still. All was right simply because in that moment, you were PRESENT, and the day-to-day bullshit was out of your mind.

Usually it only takes me a few brief moments before my ego starts shoving those worries back into my head: will I be to school to pick up my kids on time, do I have enough chicken for dinner, did I remember to submit that doctor bill to the insurance company, do I need to get in early to work tomorrow, and the list goes on, and it gets so full and so heavy that all of the present moment seems to disappear.

I’ve been studying A Course in Miracles. I always know when I’m on a trigger point because for some reason the day’s simple simple exercise becomes overwhelming, and I “never get to it” on that day. All of a sudden, instead, it takes me over a week to sit down for 5 silly minutes and do the meditation.

Here’s what has me in resistance mode this week: I could choose peace instead of this. Sit down for 5 minutes somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and let the issues or ideas in your life that trouble you come up one by one as you observe and simply repeat this idea: I could choose peace instead of this. And with each one, after you observe it and repeat this idea, let it go.

Letting it go seems like my nemesis. There’s one issue that’s currently prevalent in my life, and it has my stomach in knots far too often. It shakes my sense of self so much that I can too easily fall into self-doubt.

Does the following sound familiar:

My ego wants to be RIGHT about this; the way I feel about this situation must be RIGHT. How could I be WRONG? It seems so obvious that I am right, and I know a big handful of people that completely agree with me. This must definitely make me right, right?

Ugh, NO. It will never make you right because there isn’t a right or wrong, no matter how much you want to win. If it feels right to you, it’s right for YOU. If you’re trying to convince someone else to see it, and he/she just can’t. . . .well, that’s how it goes. People disagree. You can spin and spin your wheels trying to get someone to agree or to do what you want, and if they don’t see it they just don’t see it.

In the meantime, through all that spinning, you’re hurting yourself. Even if you’ve been unjustly wronged by someone else, when you’re spinning you’re hurting yourself.

I can actually feel my body tense when I think of this current situation in my life that has me convoluted. I can get a lump in my throat if I think of it too hard. I can break down and cry. But until I LET IT GO, I won’t have peace. And the hard truth is, if I’m not letting it go, then I’m not choosing peace.

I believe in affirmations. I believe that continuously affirming “I choose peace” will eventually bring peace to my life. Eventually this situation will fade or dissolve. Eventually I’ll have peace. But if I really want to, I can choose it right now. I can be okay with how I feel about it, and let go of the need to have anyone else see my point of view.

This isn’t about not standing up for “what’s right” or not taking action when it’s needed. This is about telling your ego to shut the hell up. This is about being steady in your Truth.

All those people throughout history that have instituted great change and inspired generations, do you think they were doing it for the sake of the drama or to appease their egos? They didn’t bother to fight about who was right or wrong; they just took action. They knew Truth, and they acted. They weren’t begging for approval.

When our bodies clench up in fear, something is amiss. In my case, it’s because I know I’m wrong. Not wrong about the issue at hand, but wrong about the fact that I’m swimming in drama instead of letting it go and accepting the peace the Universe has served up for me.

It’s not easy. But it’s simple.

I choose peace. I choose miracles. Not for anyone else’s approval, but simply for my own Truth. In my own Truth, I’m best equipped to serve the world.

And so I move onward. I hope you will too.

*Title taken from ACIM, Lesson 34

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