Single Mama Dating 101: Know What You WANT

Key-love-31501490-500-313Seems obvious, right? Not so fast. . . this step of the dating process might be the trickiest one yet. How many times have you found yourself wanting a certain somebody without ever having stopped to think about exactly WHAT you want in your ideal partner?

In this post you’ll receive concrete steps to take in order to get what you WANT.


The Universe wants your order, and it can be as detailed as you like. Understand, though, that the more details you list, the longer it might take the Universe to sift through the options out there and connect the two of you.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, make a specific list of what’s important to you. Someone compassionate? Someone who doesn’t pass judgment on self or others? What about someone who’ll be a good example of love for your children?

Specify what kind of relationship you want. You can always change this later and update your list, but if you want a friend or a fling, don’t ask for a life partner.   You have to be specific.

The Universe is literal. If your list says you want your partner to have a big truck, you could end up with a big rig in your driveway instead of the pick-up you were dreaming of.

Aside: For the record, pick-up is on my list. Some people ask me if I’m serious about asking for such a thing. The answer is: yes. Nothing is too petty to ask. You have to understand that you won’t get everything exactly the way you want it, but you’ll get what serves your Highest good and the good of All.

When I grew up in Indiana (close enough to the Bible Belt), I learned at a young age not to waste God’s time with insignificant requests (like a pick-up truck) because there were people in the world really suffering that needed God’s attention. Prioritize, right? Let me tell you something, WE don’t need to manage God’s calendar. The Universe? The Universe can do ALL of it ALL the time for EVERYONE. And whether you know it or not, you’re asking for things with your thoughts all day long everyday anyway, so why not make your request intentional?


Do NOT underestimate the energetic power of your thoughts. Your thoughts carry energy. Manifesting is happening much more quickly than ever before. This means that what you THINK about will appear much more quickly than it may have in the past.

This is why it’s crucial you think about what you WANT. It’s much too easy to slip into fear. If you fear a particular thing (a cheating partner, for example), you’re putting that thought out into the Universe and quite possibly manifesting your worst nightmare.

So STOP thinking about what you don’t want and start thinking about what you DO want.


Write (yes, literally write) a letter to the Universe (or whomever it is you call upon) and list everything you want in your partner. When you conclude your letter, tell the Universe that you have full faith in the power of the Universe to make the choices that serve the Highest good of All. Hand your request over, and let it go.  The Universe will decide the who and the when and also how closely their choice matches your list. Take your letter and keep in a safe and special place.  Remember, it’s crucial that you hand your request over at the end of the letter and TRUST the Universe to do its job . You also should end your letter by expressing gratitude to all those guides and angels and beings that are out there helping you along.


One super important caveat here: you canNOT ask for a specific person by name. This will infringe on that person’s freewill and create karma you don’t want to deal with. . . .ever. You have to trust the Universe to find the right match for you.

You can do this exercise even if you’re already with your Love. Make the list anyway if any part of you is looking for something more or something else. This gives the Universe a chance to heal what the two of you have. And if it’s time to move on, it will give you strength for that too.

The truth of the matter is you can have any partner you wish. Is there a catch? Yes!! There is. . . .You need to be aligned with Source. Stay tuned for my next piece in the Single Mama Dating 101 series to find out how to align with Source.

The biggest roadblock to this is YOU not believing you deserve what’s on your list. The most important thing you can do to manifest your desire is to cultivate self- Love. You need to LOVE YOU, which allows you to believe that YOU are the one that gets to decide who you spend your moments with.

Single Mama Series: Resistance

overcoming-spiritual-obstaclesWhat were you slated to do yesterday that you didn’t get to and pushed off until today? Are you actually doing it NOW?

It’s too easy to procrastinate, but that “easy” makes our life purpose “hard” to accomplish.  If you’re procrastinating, I’m going to argue: YOU’RE IN RESISTANCE MODE.  And, this, my friends, is my SPECIALTY.  If I’m an expert at anything, it’s this: Resistance.

Resistance comes disguised as many things. Resistance can be almost anything. Let me give you an example. If your marriage is rocky, that can consume your energy. What makes a relationship rocky? Drama. Someone is creating it; most likely it’s you. Here’s why I say that (and keep in mind both you and your partner might read this, so the point is we ALL do it): The more drama there is the more rocky things get, which means the more energy we spend. This is energy we could use to do what we really wish we were doing. I don’t say what we really “want” to be doing because resistance takes away the desire. Resistance makes the drama in the relationship look more appealing. We didn’t “wish” for drama in our relationship, so we’re not resisting that. We’re using the relationship to eat up our time and energy and create and maintain a buffer between us and the ACTUAL life we’re supposed to be living. (I’m allowed to say this; I’m an expert in creating drama. Ask my partner. He’s not too shabby either.)

Mamas, want me to hit even closer to home? We use mothering as resistance too. We can’t do yoga, right? We don’t have time because we have three kids and Sue gets out of school earlier than Johnny and Joey. So we have to juggle getting the twins off the bus while picking up their big sister after volleyball. And that’s if we’re lucky. Because some of us work until 5 and commute until 6, so we rely on Sue to take care of the twins or on our friends to carpool them here and there and always in the back of our head we’re worrying about them or missing them or feeling guilty because we asked our friends for help. By the time we finally get home, we can’t possibly cook a healthy meal for the family right? We’re exhausted, and it’s getting late, and pizza is a dial away.   (By which I don’t mean pizza is evil. I love the shit: the pizza AND the delivery.) I’m just trying to give a scenario, one that I deal with or hear about often, one that seems to create a buffer to separate a mama from her true life path.

Yes, mothering is your priority. I get that. But no one said you had to put your whole soul evolution on hold for 18 years (or longer).

I can’t sit and do a science project with my kid because I have to clean up the kitchen. The list goes on. We circle away and away from what we came here to do. Why? Because whatever gives us immediate satisfaction seems more appealing. Getting the kitchen clean is doable in a short amount of time. Seeing the positive effect of spending time doing science projects with my son might not be apparent until he is in high school or maybe, even better, I might never actually see the results at all. Maybe the results are internal in him; maybe the time I spend with him will give him strength and a belief in himself that is crucial to his life path. Will I ever know? Nope. I probably won’t. There are lots of variables as to why our kids grow up to be successful and loving. But was it the clean kitchen? I doubt it.

But the clean kitchen though!! Bam. I can do that. Hands down. In a short amount of time I can do that. I can see that I did it. I can check if off a list, if I’m into making those. Instant gratification. (This example, for the record, is all hypothetical. I rarely clean the kitchen.)

Let’s go back to the relationship example. Imagine you cut the shit, cut the drama, and the relationship heals by itself with you doing NOTHING except reclaiming your energy and redirecting it toward your life calling. So now you are doing what you were called to do, what you have wished to be doing all along, AND your relationship is in flow. Sounds perfect, right? Works with mothering too.  Take care of YOU and you will be a better mama.  Why the hell don’t we do it then? Resistance.


Mine is to write in order to commune with and help guide other women. Because I do this as a mother isn’t because I’ve got mothering figured out. It’s to commune; it’s to say, “Hey, listen, all of you!! Do you also feel like your head is going to pop through the ceiling at times?”

If you don’t know what your path is, don’t worry. Just keep following guidance (because you’re on the path). Here’s what I mean. This morning, I got the idea (I’d call it a message from my Higher self) to go into my office and revisit Joseph Campbell’s A Hero With a Thousand Faces. I have no idea why. I bought this book in college because someone told me Star Wars was based on it (and he was pretty hot). I read it then; I was fascinated. That was years ago (20 to be exact), so I don’t remember the book much now. I don’t know why this morning I thought of it or got it off a shelf. I just try to do these things when the message comes. The more I do, the more I stay on track with my life purpose.

Your life purpose is what brings meaning into your life. It’s what helps you realize when you wake up that it isn’t just about packing a lunch and seeing your kids off on the school bus and going into that job that pays the bills but you don’t really love or getting the groceries or cleaning up the house. Skip something. Instead, sit down with your kids, or paint with them (instead of just setting up the easel). Get outside with them. Read your “Campbell” book before bed instead of trying to mop the floor.

What’s stopping you? Resistance. Resistance is your ego. It’s telling you the floor should be clean. Or the bills should be paid. Or the sale on chicken only goes for a few more days, so you need to get over to the grocery tonight.

I hear you, opponents: YES, we ARE supposed to pay bills, and grocery shop, and even clean (unfortunately), but what I am saying is DO these things when they need to be done. Don’t do an extra load of laundry because you really don’t feel like starting your yoga practice until tomorrow. I mean, after all, it was a long week, right?

Don’t mop the floor because you’re afraid if you read the book before bed you’ll just fall asleep because you’re exhausted. Read ANYWAY. If you fall asleep it’s because the Universe is begging you to slow down and REST.

I can sum it up like this. Take time to LOVE yourself a teeny bit each day. And when resistance fights you on that, kick it in the *#&%@.

Keep choosing miracles, mamas. They’ll show up. They are bound toward you already.  And you are beautifully perfect AS you are RIGHT now.


Single Mama Series: Intention

intentionI am so excited to be writing a series of posts for all of us single mamas.  Of course, the ideas carry over to all mamas, but I felt strongly that single mamas need a little bit of a lift and a lot of Light and a reminder about how much they do and how amazing they will always be.

So I’ll Preface this series by saying:

I’ve read countless books and heard countless lectures about HOW to get things done, how to get organized, how to make freezer meals, how to get bills paid. Maybe those bits of advice are useful, but here is my take: life is SO much bigger and more FULL than freezer meals. I can make freezer meals; it might make dinner hour simpler. But at the end of the day, what I seek is fulfillment and JOY in my moments of motherhood. No handbook can give us this. It’s on US. WE get to decide. So in the following weeks you will read 3 of my suggestions. Do they tell you what to do? NO. Do they give you step by step? NO. That is on YOU. YOU are in charge of your life and your choices.

#1: Set An Intention

EVERY SINGLE DAY. Set an intention. Don’t worry about keeping it or sticking to it. Don’t worry about how it will play out. Don’t worry about logistics. Don’t worry about concrete details. How about this: DON’T WORRY. (This is something new that is in my intention each morning.) DON’T WORRY. Just for today, I will NOT worry. About ANYTHING. Not about the cable bill. Not about the crack in my windshield. Not about the pain in my abdomen. Not about my kid hitting another kid with a lunchbox. Not about my ex slandering me. NOTHING. I am NOT going to worry today. What’s amazing about this, is if you LOVE to worry, you can. . . TOMORROW! Right now, DON’T WORRY.

Your daily intention can be ANYTHING. Here’s mine from Jan 1, 2015:

Today I set the intention to live in freedom and in Love. Today I release fear. Today I choose not to worry and not to anger. Today I give my relationship to the Universe and relinquish control. Today I intend to respect my body like a temple of a Goddess and my heart like the Goddess it is.

What are your ideas/goals/ aspirations for 2015? I don’t believe in resolutions. Don’t put yourself in a box and tell yourself it has to go one way, so that when it doesn’t you can wallow in a nice strong drink. We aren’t looking for excuses to go backward.

Intention is foremost about believing in YOU. Period. Are you unsure? Do you think you might mess it all up?  Yay! You’re human. Yes, you might mess it all up. That’s not what this is about. What do you want?

Put down 5 things you WANT from your life right now (or in 2015 if you want to sync this with the Gregorian calendar). When you know what you want, you start to call it in. WRITE it down. Somewhere. I like to write it down and fold it up and put in a secret “intention” hideaway. No one needs to know about it. Will someone in your household think you’re nuts? Who CARES? Just write it. Find a place for safekeeping. This is a one-time gig (until your goals/thoughts/aspirations change).

NOW you are ready to set your daily intention. Every single day, first thing in the morning, set your intention. What’s your intention? Set it out. Say it aloud (or internally) directly to the Universe or God or Self or Angels. . . whatever you believe in.

I also suggest writing your daily intention somewhere. SO if you don’t want to keep a journal of daily intentions (which you certainly should), text them with your phone. Want to receive a text today from someone entirely in LOVE with you? Text yourself your intentions. Have a solid partner or friend who supports you and wants to see your Highest Good? Text it to her/him. Have an iPad? Write yourself a note.

Make it quick. Make it real.

If you happen to remember it, repeat it during the day.  If you forget, you will still come out ahead because you set the intention in the first place.

About my kid hitting someone with a lunchbox? He, too, gets to set an intention each morning before school.  Instead of focusing on what he did wrong (e.g. I intend not to hit anyone), we focus on his strengths.  (e.g. Today I intend to offer help to as many people as I can.)  This practice works for our kids too!

So today I set the intention to share the beautiful secret of Universal intention setting with as many as I can. Today I set the intention to live in Love. Today I set the intention to smile and feel warm in the below zero weather. Today I will be the best mother I can be. Today I will help as many people as I can. Today I will know that I am perfect, exactly as I am. Today I set the intention to call in and spend my life with the people that are willing and ready to align with the beauty of existence.

Love you all <3 Believe in yourSelves. Choose miracles. And stay tuned in because next post will be all about how YES, YOU deserve to take time for yourself to do what you need to do in your day. Your kids will benefit. In all cases, your kids will benefit.

Reclaiming Your Power Through Forgiveness

forgive1-300x241Forgiving is about seeing the Light in someone else. We’re all a part of our creator; we all come from the same place. We’re all connected. You don’t have to believe in a God to understand this.

We’re all Light. The problem is, many of us don’t see that or know it or believe it. Even as you read this, do you know it’s True? The Light is within you. The Light is within everyone, and it all comes from the same source. You might think of Light as Love instead, and the concept still holds true. We’re all Love, whether we know it or not, it holds True.  What happens when we don’t know that we are Light is we don’t behave in a place of Love and Light. Too many times we remain in darkness.

Forgiving another is recognizing the Light within the other.  This person may not recognize the Light within herself. If that’s the case, then she also won’t recognize the Light within you. This is okay. Your only job is to see beyond the darkness and beyond the deeds and see the Light within. Even if it’s only dimly lit, it’s there. And that Light is the part in all of us that belongs to the same entity, that makes up one Universal Light. When you forgive another, you’re forgiving yourself because, no matter who that person is, you’re connected to her.

Sometimes we’re wronged so deeply that to forgive seems almost irresponsible at first glance. Here’s an example. I work with a woman who was so brutally abused by her husband for years that she lost all sense of self. Finally she’s beginning to write about these experiences. Through writing, she’s beginning to heal. In her situation much forgiveness has to take place. She is choosing to work through that process.

She’s out of the situation in her life, but she’s not out of the situation in her heart, in her soul, or in her mind. In those places the pain resides, and once she fully forgives, that pain will be lifted. There will be peace.

In order to forgive this man, she has to recognize the Light within him. She need never see him in the physical world again to do this. She need not tell him about it. It’s not as though once she sees that Light she should then remain in the relationship. We don’t condone actions; we forgive souls. She’ll have to decide whether to stay or go. That isn’t involved in the forgiveness. The forgiveness simply acknowledges I see the Light within you. I acknowledge the Light within you.

Once this happens, you’ve forgiven. Once you’ve forgiven, you reclaim your power. Once you reclaim your power you have the power to choose. The reclaimed power is what allows you to say This situation no longer serves my Highest good, and, therefore, I will not revisit it. The power allows you to Love yourself and to move forward.

When you Love yourself wholly you will know nothing can hurt you, and then the fear will vanish from your Life.

Sound easy? It’s not. But it’s worth taking the first steps. Writing about it is always a good first step. But you will know what’s right for you.

Whatever it is, Choose Miracles.