Single Mama Series: Resistance

overcoming-spiritual-obstaclesWhat were you slated to do yesterday that you didn’t get to and pushed off until today? Are you actually doing it NOW?

It’s too easy to procrastinate, but that “easy” makes our life purpose “hard” to accomplish.  If you’re procrastinating, I’m going to argue: YOU’RE IN RESISTANCE MODE.  And, this, my friends, is my SPECIALTY.  If I’m an expert at anything, it’s this: Resistance.

Resistance comes disguised as many things. Resistance can be almost anything. Let me give you an example. If your marriage is rocky, that can consume your energy. What makes a relationship rocky? Drama. Someone is creating it; most likely it’s you. Here’s why I say that (and keep in mind both you and your partner might read this, so the point is we ALL do it): The more drama there is the more rocky things get, which means the more energy we spend. This is energy we could use to do what we really wish we were doing. I don’t say what we really “want” to be doing because resistance takes away the desire. Resistance makes the drama in the relationship look more appealing. We didn’t “wish” for drama in our relationship, so we’re not resisting that. We’re using the relationship to eat up our time and energy and create and maintain a buffer between us and the ACTUAL life we’re supposed to be living. (I’m allowed to say this; I’m an expert in creating drama. Ask my partner. He’s not too shabby either.)

Mamas, want me to hit even closer to home? We use mothering as resistance too. We can’t do yoga, right? We don’t have time because we have three kids and Sue gets out of school earlier than Johnny and Joey. So we have to juggle getting the twins off the bus while picking up their big sister after volleyball. And that’s if we’re lucky. Because some of us work until 5 and commute until 6, so we rely on Sue to take care of the twins or on our friends to carpool them here and there and always in the back of our head we’re worrying about them or missing them or feeling guilty because we asked our friends for help. By the time we finally get home, we can’t possibly cook a healthy meal for the family right? We’re exhausted, and it’s getting late, and pizza is a dial away.   (By which I don’t mean pizza is evil. I love the shit: the pizza AND the delivery.) I’m just trying to give a scenario, one that I deal with or hear about often, one that seems to create a buffer to separate a mama from her true life path.

Yes, mothering is your priority. I get that. But no one said you had to put your whole soul evolution on hold for 18 years (or longer).

I can’t sit and do a science project with my kid because I have to clean up the kitchen. The list goes on. We circle away and away from what we came here to do. Why? Because whatever gives us immediate satisfaction seems more appealing. Getting the kitchen clean is doable in a short amount of time. Seeing the positive effect of spending time doing science projects with my son might not be apparent until he is in high school or maybe, even better, I might never actually see the results at all. Maybe the results are internal in him; maybe the time I spend with him will give him strength and a belief in himself that is crucial to his life path. Will I ever know? Nope. I probably won’t. There are lots of variables as to why our kids grow up to be successful and loving. But was it the clean kitchen? I doubt it.

But the clean kitchen though!! Bam. I can do that. Hands down. In a short amount of time I can do that. I can see that I did it. I can check if off a list, if I’m into making those. Instant gratification. (This example, for the record, is all hypothetical. I rarely clean the kitchen.)

Let’s go back to the relationship example. Imagine you cut the shit, cut the drama, and the relationship heals by itself with you doing NOTHING except reclaiming your energy and redirecting it toward your life calling. So now you are doing what you were called to do, what you have wished to be doing all along, AND your relationship is in flow. Sounds perfect, right? Works with mothering too.  Take care of YOU and you will be a better mama.  Why the hell don’t we do it then? Resistance.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

Mine is to write in order to commune with and help guide other women. Because I do this as a mother isn’t because I’ve got mothering figured out. It’s to commune; it’s to say, “Hey, listen, all of you!! Do you also feel like your head is going to pop through the ceiling at times?”

If you don’t know what your path is, don’t worry. Just keep following guidance (because you’re on the path). Here’s what I mean. This morning, I got the idea (I’d call it a message from my Higher self) to go into my office and revisit Joseph Campbell’s A Hero With a Thousand Faces. I have no idea why. I bought this book in college because someone told me Star Wars was based on it (and he was pretty hot). I read it then; I was fascinated. That was years ago (20 to be exact), so I don’t remember the book much now. I don’t know why this morning I thought of it or got it off a shelf. I just try to do these things when the message comes. The more I do, the more I stay on track with my life purpose.

Your life purpose is what brings meaning into your life. It’s what helps you realize when you wake up that it isn’t just about packing a lunch and seeing your kids off on the school bus and going into that job that pays the bills but you don’t really love or getting the groceries or cleaning up the house. Skip something. Instead, sit down with your kids, or paint with them (instead of just setting up the easel). Get outside with them. Read your “Campbell” book before bed instead of trying to mop the floor.

What’s stopping you? Resistance. Resistance is your ego. It’s telling you the floor should be clean. Or the bills should be paid. Or the sale on chicken only goes for a few more days, so you need to get over to the grocery tonight.

I hear you, opponents: YES, we ARE supposed to pay bills, and grocery shop, and even clean (unfortunately), but what I am saying is DO these things when they need to be done. Don’t do an extra load of laundry because you really don’t feel like starting your yoga practice until tomorrow. I mean, after all, it was a long week, right?

Don’t mop the floor because you’re afraid if you read the book before bed you’ll just fall asleep because you’re exhausted. Read ANYWAY. If you fall asleep it’s because the Universe is begging you to slow down and REST.

I can sum it up like this. Take time to LOVE yourself a teeny bit each day. And when resistance fights you on that, kick it in the *#&%@.

Keep choosing miracles, mamas. They’ll show up. They are bound toward you already.  And you are beautifully perfect AS you are RIGHT now.

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